Grandmas Goulash

‘Tis not the season for dieting. Everyone knows that dieting is over a month and many holiday indulgences away. I must confess that approach to weight loss has never made a lot of sense to me. With estimates of holiday gains starting at five pounds and spiraling up to ten, twenty or more, planning to diet after the holidays is a fine way to sabotage your weight loss plan before you’ve even started. Coupled with the high failure rate of New Year’s resolutions, it’s a sure plan for failure.  A few weeks ago, Calico and I decided to get serious and avoid the post-holiday rush. Weight loss gurus suggest having a diet buddy and that has always worked well for us. It’s hard to be the lone dieter, when other family members are indulging in tasty empty calories. We do better, when we keep diet-compatible treats on hand and banish the junk from the house.  The only positive thing about post holiday dieting is the abundance of diet products carried in the grocery stores. A ...

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Would this trip ever end? Even the dudes with the  walkers  were moving faster than Mom.  Bike rides might be healthy, but not after Mom had bean burritos for lunch.  The cobblestones threatened to shake his sole tooth out of its socket. Didn’t Mom know about suspension systems?  Enough was enough. He’d get a backbone and demand his own set of wheels. Just as soon as he’d learned to talk.  This week’s word was  backbone .

Miss Muffin is a pretty easy kid to live with. She’s a good student, generally well-behaved, helpful and in possession of a fine sense of humor. She has reached the lofty age of ten, however, and although she is still unashamed to hang out with us, even in public, she has started to notice that her mother and grandmother have a few imperfections. Most of her critiques are centered on music. Thankfully, she has gained some appreciation for classical. Although she wouldn’t choose it, she does listen and enjoy, whenever it is played. When it comes to those golden oldies, she displays far less tolerance. I was listening to oldies the other day and lyrics were floating in my head. “ Let’s rock, everybody let’s rock. ” The rolled eyes and incredulous look on Muffin’s face told me that the lyrics had escaped my head and made it to my mouth. I must have shuffled a bit too, because she broke down in fits of laughter. “Grandma’s trying to dance. She thinks she can dance.” Unable to r...

King Once again, Kong had gotten the biggest banana.   It was tough being the oldest. When Mama found squashed banana on the patio, King knew he’d get the blame.  Kong was a cute kid, but that was just another generic gorilla butt and not his most attractive side.  Kong That lump of banana had stuck in his throat. Would King ever stop daydreaming and perform the Heimlich Maneuver?  This week’s word was  generic .

Some hostess! Three days late for my own party. I was working on my stories on Monday, when Calico needed some help extracting data from an ancient pdf containing very poorly scanned images. After two days of trying various OCR tools, I finally found one that would do the trick without purchasing anything. Today, I’m back to blogging and hope that a couple of you are still lingering at the party.   Visitors from Planet Amphibian assumed human form in order to blend in, but their squat and hop navigation spoiled the effect. Earth was ruled by metallic monsters with foul breath and eyes that glowed at night. Croak checked an underbelly, looking for a soft spot.   Croak’s story ended tragically, when the monster roared and charged. Other visitors fared better and learned to thrive in the new culture. This week’s word was  amphibian .

I was certain that someone would guess this week’s product. Easy for me to say, since I already knew the answer.  The uniforms do have an airline look, but they aren’t. The cape and hat were worn by nurses. The cap style indicated the individual’s nursing school. I remember my mother donning her’s before making home health visits. She gave up the cape, while I was still young, but wore the cap with her white uniform for many years. The man’s hat is indeed military. I’ve shown a clearer image of the insignia on the cap. Notice the anchors at the bottom, a clue that this is a Navy officer’s hat. The uniforms, unfortunately, don’t provide a clue for the product advertisement. I can see why those gleaming teeth inspired guesses for dental products. If that was your guess, you were getting closer. I’ve composed another succinct story as a hint: It was rumored that she was 99 44/100% pure. Joe wondered if the remaining fraction would permit a kiss. If ...

“What a wonderful time to live. Folks were patriotic and optimism flourished.” “So did war, death and rationing”, Grandpa replied cynically.    She was pretty, but her face lacked expression. “Recent botox?” Joe wondered.  Not bad looking, but the guy was a bore. Reminder to self: Cancel online dating service.   Out of gas on a lonely country road? Flo was certain this was no accident. Fortunately, her cell phone was in her cape pocket.  This week’s word was  cynical .

Some things just are what they are. Fish swim. Birds, time and money fly. Grandma loves to consume chocolate and ice cream. Back in the days, when I exercised regularly and vigorously, I could afford to indulge myself. Alas, those days are gone and so is my waistline. Calico understands. She had hoped that walking around a large campus would cure the extra poundage that’s been accumulating. She hadn’t counted on the generosity of fellow students, who live on candy. So we’ve been working on eliminating empty calories and replacing them with moderate portions of healthy food. I was doing pretty well until last night. Halloween brings candy and no small proportion of it is chocolate. I’m going crazy having it in the house.  The diet gurus recommend a reward for meeting goals. If someone offered me a gold coin for staying away from the treats, I’d only have one question. Do the coins have peel off foil with chocolate inside?