Grandmas Goulash

Santa always took first place, but he had elves and a team of flying reindeer.   The bad news? His chariot wasn’t motorized. The good news? His legs would never have cellulite.    He double-checked his materials: Eggs? Check. Jelly beans? Check. Chocolate? Once again, first place would elude his grasp.  

He’s the touchy-feely type and has a flare for the dramatic. Bet he’s into digital technology. Shifty eyes. Probably the black phalange of the family. I give him a thumbs up.

Their first robbery had been successful. Now Madge and Henry struggled to blend in and look natural.   Henry said they needed to launder the cash. Madge thought it looked cleaner than Henry.   They counted the money and dreamed of what it could buy. Madge’s first purchase? New dentures. 

I’ll be visiting the eye doctor for my seventh set of eye injections next week. I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed having needles stuck in my eyes or living through two or more days of blurred sight and floating spots after the injections. I do love the results, however. Each vision test shows improvement, although the results are apparent to me, even without the testing. Impaired vision impacts so many areas of life.  Reading the controls on our stove or microwave, using a screwdriver, zipping a zipper are just a few of the everyday skills that I lost. Needlework became a thing of the past, as did playing my piano keyboard. I could still see the keys, but reading the notes on any piece of music was impossible. Now I’ve regained all of these skills and am checking out a new keyboard. When the retinal portion of my eye work is satisfactory, I’ll be having cataract surgery too. Just a few years ago, this type of restoration would have been impossible. I’m grateful it’s availabl

“Join the Navy and see the world.” In fairness, the recruiter hadn’t promised he’d see it from a ship deck.   If he had wanted to exacerbate his fear of heights, he could have joined the Air Force.  “A bottle of rum for every man who makes it to the top.” Previously reluctant sailors scrambled to partake in the exercise.  !

And a sad body too.  That’s the tortoise-colored, long-hair kitty, who has been howling in our back yard for several months now. Although we’ve heard his mournful cries for some time, we didn’t see him until a couple weeks ago. His fur and tail are matted and sport small pieces of leaves and brush.  Evidently, he has been taking shelter in the trees that line our creek. We set food on the outside deck for him and he ate as if it might be his last meal. He has been coming back once or twice a day since then and has become used to eating on our deck, while we sit inches away on the other side of the french doors watching him.  Closer inspection reveals tattered ears that really need some medical attention. He’s as pathetic as any feline I’ve seen on rescue websites. Apparently, this cat was cared for by the elderly lady, who used to reside here. When she passed away, he was left on his own without food or shelter.  He must feel abandoned and a bit reluctant to trust humans a

He heard folks saying “loose cannon”, but it wouldn’t budge an inch.   The doctor said it was idiopathic impulsiveness. Everyone else knew he’d lost his head.