Things I'm Not Writing About
Sorry. I won't be able to do a Thursday Thirteen this week. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't come up with a topic. But I tried. Really I did. I can prove it. Check out all the topics that I considered and discarded:
- The Weather
It's been miserably cold and damp. Why would anyone want to read about that?
- Water Feature #1
I heard an interior designer say that water features add serenity to a room. This has not been my experience. So you will not be reading about the joys of having your house flood a week after you move into it.
- The Mess
Who wants to hear about clutter in the office, dying plants in the kitchen and pet fur that rivals the fruit fly's reproductive capabilities? I've been avoiding this mess for
days, weeks, months. Why focus on it now?
- American Idol
If you love it, you already know it's back. You also know that there are far more than 13 reasons to watch it. If you don't love it, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
- Virtual Pets
My focus on these cute little guys is bordering on obsession. Okay, skip the bordering part. I will not feed this obsession by writing about Piggy,Clarkie and Abby. I will not tell you about all the rooms and possessions I have accumulated for them. Nor the hours I've spent clicking on strangers' virtual pets, just to earn Clarkie the honor of being our SPP club's friendliest pet.
I certainly won't be mentioning my shameful hiding of this obsession. No mention of the piggy that I didn't send to the pound or abandon in a field. Same goes for the little companion monkey I got for it. If I did, Calico might read this post. We made a pact to reduce our virtual pets. She kept her side of the bargain. I can't let her find out that I didn't.
Calico, if you should read this, just disregard it as the ramblings of your senile mother.
- Water Feature #2
Top billing does not go to the evil dishwasher that randomly decides to overflow. As I didn't mention in #2, we've already done the flooded home thing.
- Dreams Of Spring
I will not expound on the wonders of spring: the first signs of green, the warming days, budding flowers, children outside at play, the wonderful fresh smell. Those things just emphasize the current miserable weather, which, of course, I am not discussing.
- Aches and Pains
No faster way to scare folks off. But the weather that I'm not writing about certainly doesn't help the arthritis I'm not discussing..
- Financial Matters
This week I will not be asking (or answering) the question, "Is it a curse or a blessing when the government thinks you're too poor to pay taxes?
- My Granddaughter
Sadly, this bright, friendly, charming and gorgeous seven year old won't be featured. Eyes start to glaze when I enumerate her charms and the listener may speak of their own grandchild's finer points. Obviously, they don't comprehend that there is no comparison.
- Water Feature #3
I will not discuss the frozen bursting pipe and the lack of a single shutoff in the house. I won't talk about toilets that couldn't be flushed, dishes and laundry that couldn't be washed, water on the floor or the impromptu skating rink in the back yard. If you really want to hear the sordid tale, check out last week's post from Calico.
- My Sense of Humor
Surely you realize that there is none to write about.
- Literary Aspirations
Got some, but you'll have to check back on Saturday for the first installment of Convictions. Grandma has challenged herself to write a novel. It could be intriguing It could be good for a laugh. You won't know until you read it.
Grandma is delighted to be a participant in the Thursday Thirteen meme. You should check it out.